Whod you bang
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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