the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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