Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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