trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
