I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
