Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
