Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
