I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
