is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Couch. On fire.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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