i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
