I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
