I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
