i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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