I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
