Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You were trust falling into bushes
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
