I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
