I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
