i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
