All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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