I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
