Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you would pick up someone in the library
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
