my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
