She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
