i jhust puked up my retainher.
She said her name was "party"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
