Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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