Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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