So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
