Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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