I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
