There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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