I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
