What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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