and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
