what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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