I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
