They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
