Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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