you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
