Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
