god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
