your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
