turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
