idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i think im in europe. pls send help
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
