You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
