He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
