life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
