If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
