don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
