If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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