you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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