Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
