I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
this boner is exhausting
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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