You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
